the memory

(©1998 age 17)

it froze inside my mind
turned my tears to burning ice
turned her head as i screamed
and she cried and i’ve seen
what she was willing to hide
as much as my soul could keep

here comes her new beginning
i sing myself to sleep
a ribbon of doubt is wishfully twisting
my voice is shrill and buried deep
beneath the soil, beneath the trees

a place that i’ve hated
a place that i’ve loved
a place to escape from
a place to call home

i can pass my hands through fire
i turn to ashes with a touch
if you remember you’re a liar
i can prove i won’t be loved
i can rot in sweet denial
i’ll pretend i know this much

and i can feel her here with me
she died inside a part of me
and fantasy, reality
reminds me of the memory
i really can’t discern